Masturdating…

A wise philosopher once said, “If masturbating is the act of sleeping with yourself, masturdating is the art of pleasing yourself to bed.”

(Well, you probably know who that perverted philosopher is! Hahaha.)

On a serious note, have you ever felt lonely, as if no one cared? If yes, continue reading. And if it’s a ‘no’, then maybe you should see a psychiatrist. Everyone goes through this emotion every once in a while. And that is because, for the sake of being optimistic, we have all come to believe in a lie. The lie that we have people around us, and that feeling lonely is just a passing phase. Whereas, the truth is the opposite. You are alone, that’s the ultimate truth; while the momentary feeling of being surrounded by people, and being taken care is a passing phase. You are all alone in this world. You really are.

Parents, friends, lovers, life partners, everyone is going to hurt you and make you lonely – some way or the other. Yes, even the ones you have never expected to. It may not be to the extreme of a divorce, break up, or never seeing each other’s face again (or, it might just be). It may be something as small as someone who is important enough in your life, making you feel less important than you think you are to them. It is might be unintentional though, but sooner or later, everyone is going to make you feel like you are the only one who cares about you. And that’s the truth. So why not make an attempt to please the only person who truly loves you?

Few months ago, I watched a Bollywood movie – ‘Margarita with a Straw’. (Never heard about it, right? That proves that it is a good movie.) It is the story of a differently abled girl, and her struggles to become an independent person. The movie has an entrancing ending where the beautiful protagonist, dressed in a beautiful red dress, asks her dad to drop her to an exotic restaurant where she dates her own self which appears in the large mirror kept in front of her table.

This afternoon, I decided to do something similar with myself. I had heard of this new restaurant that has opened in my town. So, I just decided to treat myself there. Here is a picture of it that I captured using the timer function in my phone’s camera.

 masturdate

Here’s what you need to do. ASAP. 

Make your hairs, the nicest.

Choose your favourite outfit.

Take a bath (if possible :p ).

Wear the best perfume.

Go somewhere nice.

And spend some quality time with yourself.

Accompanied your favourite songs, or may be a novel, and you.

Just YOU.

 (Leave such an impression as if your are trying to convince someone to become your life partner. Because you actually are!)

We spend substantial part of our lives trying to impress other people. Let us all take some time, at least once a month, to impress the only person who actually matters. No one is going to be always with you. Except you. Learn the art of loving yourself, you’ll never feel lonely again.

Have you ever been on a masturdate before? Share your experience.

Otherwise, what is your idea of a perfect masturdate?

(Mine is probably one with lots of candles, Chinese lamps, a soothing music in the background, some delicious food that I have never tried before and no human being in my sight. What’s yours?)

Do let me know in the comments. I love reading and replying to your comments. Your views not only matter, they keep me going. Your attention fuels my creativity, and inspires me to dig deeper into my life, to bring you insights, that might add some value to your life. I’ll wait for your words.

Regards,

Saurabh.

 

23 Replies to “Masturdating…”

  1. Amazing once again. And I have tried this “masterdating” and believe me it feels amazing. I went for a movie alone and for the first time I felt i am really watching a movie. And after that I did that again and again. My most awesome masterdate is with the glass not the cup of chai and me. I love it.
    And keep on writing such stuff. :**

    1. Hi Supriya,
      Nice to see your comment on the top. I’d too like to do that movie thing soon enough. It is awesome that you celebrate yourself. And about that chai in a glass thing – the desi style of celebration never goes out of swag.
      Cheers,
      Saurabh. 🙂

  2. Well i have gone through the same thought process but “came” to a different conclusion which is , yes people will hurt you now or later people close to you people you love . yes they do it but there are some people worth forgiving (well someone can say that everyone’s worth forgiving but that’s for a different day and a different topic) . Breakups , fights , divorce yes these are necessary sometimes but not when it fullfills your ego . Yes you are alone in this world , yes i do agree with what you say , but what I’ve said above is for a particular thing which i didn’t agree with or i just wanted to add my thoughts into it .

    1. Hi Yasir,
      I am glad you brought a different perspective. It did diversify our discussion. I agree with you. We all were good human beings in the beginning, and then ‘ego’ happened.
      Keep commenting.
      Cheers,
      Saurabh. 🙂

    1. Hi Itika,
      You are right. Self love is crucial, indeed. A lot of people keep whining that they are not loved enough, they fail to understand that others love us only as much as we love ourselves.
      Keep commenting.
      Cheers,
      Saurabh. 🙂

  3. I have heard about this before. And it feels good. I love spending time with myself, spending ours at some café just reading and dreaming with coffee. So yeah, one should always try it! Feels amazing. Keep writing such wonderful stuff, Saurabh!

    Regards,
    ParodyNow.

    1. Hi Vasu,
      Hope you don’t mind me using your personal name. You sound like some fictional character of mine. Glad you exist. Hahaha. Thanks for your encouraging words, they matter.
      Keep commenting.
      Cheers,
      Saurabh. 🙂

  4. Very well written Saurabh. I also masturdated my self after watching margarita wid a straw…i went out and had a chocolate shake aaaallll alooone aaallll by myself. It was sooo good.

    1. Hi Avantika,
      Thanks for the appreciation. It is awesome to know that there is at least someone who has heard about the movie, let alone liking it. I’m sure that was the most delicious chocolate shake you ever had.
      Keep commenting.
      Cheers,
      Saurabh. 🙂

    1. Hi Avantika,
      It feels good to know that my post made your morning. I hope you do date yourself soon enough. Don’t forget to come back here and share your experience. And do stick around. I’m sure there are many more mornings to be made.
      Keep commenting.
      Cheers,
      Saurabh. 🙂

  5. Nice thought saurabh.. I usually spend time alone thinking of what is going on in my life.. I am going to try masturdating to start enjoying alone .. To actually spend time with myself..

    1. Hi Akanksha,
      I’m glad you liked it. You don’t go on a date and pull out all the worries of your life, right? When you masturdate, make sure to impress yourself with all the positives of your life. Do share your experience with us.
      Keep commenting.
      Cheers,
      Saurabh. 🙂

  6. Well as usual you have written something amazing. I will tell you what. Few months back till I hadn’t felt this way. After entering college I realized the reality of this world ,not to say it’s depressing or dark ,but the fact is isn’t all rainbow and flower either. If we don’t help ourselves no one ever will.

    1. Hi Kriti,
      This is one of the most interesting comments till date. And you sound so damn familiar. Bollywood has played a bluff with all of us by making us believe that college is a glimpse of heaven – where everyone is happy and celebrating. But soon after getting in, we realize that it is a tough place to survive. Bit, indeed, it hardens us for life to follow.
      Keep commenting.
      Cheers,
      Saurabh. 🙂

  7. Saurabh, you have already got all these valuable responses above. What else am I supposed to add buddy? It’s amazingly thouthful as ever.
    For me, I think that being social would be a new adventure as I’m a born masturdater, what they call.. a sociopath. Hahah..
    I’m eagerly waiting for Your-next-Out-of-Box. Keep writing ! !

    1. Hi Shivansh,
      I agree with your take, mostly because I am on the same boat as you. No one makes me as comfortable as I do. We could go together on this road of socialization.
      Thanks for being the guiding light whenever i am stuck.
      Keep commenting.
      Cheers,
      Saurabh. 🙂

  8. You told me about this ‘word’ that you and Rhitwik had discovered this summer.
    You didn’t tell me its meaning!
    Well now I know it.. hoping to see it in the Oxford few years from now :p
    Keep writing buddy

  9. Feeling lonely, like nobody cares, that is definitely the worst feeling for me.
    Whenever i feel lonely, i wish i had a best friend, someone i can talk to and feel better. But i could never find myself one.
    Going through this idea of masturdating, i guess i found my best friend, i found myself! 🙂
    Yay!!

  10. Hi Sakshi,
    Loneliness is no doubt thethe worst feeling for anyone. But it all turns out good once you make friends with yourself. Glad you could connect.
    It is a very well written comment, I must say.
    Keep commenting.
    Cheers,
    Saurabh.

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